It’s been too long since I’ve put something in writing about my personal relationships and I think I may wait a little while before I do so. I’d like to determine the trajectory of some of my relationships before I finally put their resolution in writing.

Professionally, however, my clientele continues to grow and that expansion brings with it a wonderful new set of personalities and stories. My latest client is “H”, an older and incredibly articulate submissive who suffers from erectile dysfunction. He paid for a 30 minute video session but I gave more time because he was so inquisitive and interesting. I love when a submissive takes a genuine interest in me because I always have a genuine interest in them. “H” was curious about my orgasms, about what pleased me, about what I felt when having sex. He reminded me of a doctor with a fabulous bedside manner who would take the time to ask about your symptoms in order to better diagnose the problem. “H” and I talked for 45 minutes and yes, he wanted to get off so there absolutely was an ulterior motive, but his interest was genuine and the admiration of his Goddess quite real. 

I got to the end of the session, left him with a little extra something to imagine and fantasize over and went on my way. I do so hope to see him again!!

Over the past several months I encountered submissives who believe that the dominant/submissive role is a one-way street, that is, I am to provide a service to them but they do not provide anything in return. This could not be further from the truth or my expectations.

Yes, I understand that you pay for a session or two, however, what you pay for is the privilege of serving me. So in essence, what you are doing, is providing me with pleasure that is more important than your own.

I have several submissive’s who make the claim that their sole desire in our relationship is to make my life as carefree and luxurious as possible, however, when pressed to do so, they take it as a personal affront and usually back off or shy away. When confronted about their stated desires versus their actions, they provide a myriad of excuses why they can’t, but not a single reason why they can.   I would rather have a submissive be honest and say that he is not in a position to make my life as comfortable as I would like. I can handle that. But to make the continual promises with no follow through means that the submissive is only doing this for his pleasure and not for mine.

The value and beauty of submission in this relationship is that the submissive puts me first and derives his pleasure from that dynamic. If he chooses not to do that, then he is not truly a submissive but merely someone who wishes to have an hour or two for his pleasure, with no regard for mine.  In that case, is he truly a submissive? I do not think so.

Submissive’s continually come to me with ulterior motive’s and no desire to share what those motives are. I would much rather have one say, “I seek humiliation purely for my own pleasure” than to say, “I will do anything to please you and make your life better” and not do so.

I will admit there’s a fine line between the dynamic of a paying submissive and a paying submissive who wishes to indulge my pleasure.  But as I continue to develop and evolve as a dominatrix, I find that the only submissives I’m truly interested in are those who have a genuine interest in my pleasure first.

Orgasms. Times Three. 

I’m writing a very brief update to our blog. 

We’re getting custom made vampire fangs made for a party the end of this month. But last night was the coup de grace of sexual pleasure. 

After a wonderful evening at Radio City, we did dinner then back to her place for an evening of sex. As she rode his cock from on top, I straddled his mouth, taking every bit of sexual pleasure I could. As I leaned back into her, she cupped my breasts and kissed my neck. I then heard a deep, guttural growl as he began to explode inside her, causing her to reach orgasm and then causing me to reach climax 

I’ll write more later…

“Why do you like the feeling of ownership” I asked my girlfriend.  Her response was spot on.

“That’s a great question.  For me, it’s just relief.  I feel like I’m forced into positions of responsibility all day long, so it’s this great relief to have someone else in control.  Someone whom I trust to be as intelligent as myself (which isn’t often).  My exporation into this is feminist in itself though, the fact I did this independently.  Also, I think you can philosophically argue that the most powerful person in any dynamic is the sub.  The sub consents and can stop things at any time.  The dominant is beholden to the sub in that sense.”

As much as the 50 Shades of Grey series cheapens the dominant/submissive dynamic, one of the central themes of the series was that the submissive actually holds the control and power in this dynamic.

“I think that’s what is interesting about the sub/Dom relationship”, she said.  “The complexity, nuances and yes, 50 Shades.  It’s a mirror of every other relationship, except it’s so literal so it’s easier to analyze.”

I think this summarizes so succinctly and beautifully the relationship between dominant and submissive.  It distills the thoughts of so many who have more than just a passing curiosity in this lifestyle.

I am looking forward to our next weekend with “N”.  While it will be a shorter weekend than we had in the past, I nevertheless find myself day dreaming about her arrival.  I know that Friday night will be nothing but hours of sex.   I know we’ll be bad girls.  I’ll do things that I don’t do on a daily basis but that I love doing when I’m with her.  I know we’ll strive to please one man and I know that he will satisfy us sexually for hours.  That’s the way this relationship works.

I look forward to spending a Saturday wandering through art galleries, spending a late morning at brunch in a hip, cool spot in DC.  I want to be seen with her and to dress in a way that complements her and makes him happy.  I will experience the coolness of fall, holding her hand in public, having wonderful conversation and making people wonder what our dynamic is.

I crave going down on her and her on me.  I want to have him pleasure me while he pleasures her.  Yes, this is possible.  He lays on his back while one of us mounts him while the other straddles his face.  It’s like conducting a band and he’s magnificent at it.  We will face each other and kiss as he pleases us.  It does not make him subservient or submissive to us but a true master who loves the interaction and pleasure that we derive.  We will collapse on him after orgasm and will lay on his chest, me on his right, “N” on his left.  I want to sleep with them and feel his touch in the middle of the night and know that she hungers for his arousal while he takes me.  I want to hear him softly take her, hear the whispers between them as he mounts her and the feel the gentle rhythm of the bed moving as he is intentional and methodical about his entry into her.

We will wake up and long for each other, be melancholy about the impending end of the weekend but excited that the next time with her is only a few days away.  We have the following weekend already planned, a concert at Radio City, and afternoon of leisurely sex, Netflix watching, wandering the lower east side and then a Saturday night of anything that we want.  The wonderful thing about “N” is that she always has something to do that allows us to display our relationship.

I ramble from one thought to another because it’s indicative of our relationship.  We’re spontaneous, easy going, passionate, inquisitive and curious.  We want the relationship to work on it’s own terms.  Do we want to have sex, go shopping, have dinner, watch a documentary? We traverse many things during our times together, metaphorically, sexually and socially.  We do not want our time to end but we know it does, only to restart the clock towards our next time together.  I love the romantic feeling of a late afternoon drive to NYC to see her, the sun starting to set, the shadows getting longer into evening, and knowing that her laughter and smile will greet us when we arrive.  I smile at the thought of her on the train to DC, picking her up and embracing, ordering a pizza, sitting in the living room, watching a home renovation show and telling each other about our week.  This is how the relationship is.  There’s no defining it because it moves, morphs, evolves in the fashion we allow.

I want her.  I want him.  I want them both, together.  I want to know that while he’s in me she lays next to us, watching and wanting, bad, what I am experiencing.  I’m not sure if I’m the one directing this for our happiness or merely pushing the throttle forward on a train that follows a track to a destination.  Maybe we’re all just passengers on this or we all take turns driving this to achieve our congruent goals and desires.  I’m not sure we will ever know or discover but this is a continual discovery process.

Only days away from being with her…

To be continued…

Missing Our Partner

I write extensively about our relationship and the details of our sexuality. 

This post is about missing her. 

We miss her. Immensely. We’ve connected. We’re happy.  We crave her company and the intellectual stimulation that comes with it. We find our passion grows deeper with each day. She is away for the next week and for the first time in our triad we are all scattered across the United States. It’s makes the anticipation for our next time together even more unbearable but simultaneously more exciting. We communicate as a triad through texts during the day but also have our individual communication with one another. It makes the passing of time between our long weekends bearable but less than enjoyable. How can two women have serious feelings for one man and yet not feel the jealousy that most people would feel? This is what makes this so erotic and stimulating. Part of it are the looks we receive at parties and dinner and brunch. But so much of this is about the continual transition from sexual partners to lovers to friends. We do count the days between our time with her and know she does the same. Sometimes our texts are raunchy and well beyond suggestive. Other times they’re deep and pensive and insightful. Regardless, we ache between our days with N.