It’s been too long since I’ve put something in writing about my personal relationships and I think I may wait a little while before I do so. I’d like to determine the trajectory of some of my relationships before I finally put their resolution in writing.
Professionally, however, my clientele continues to grow and that expansion brings with it a wonderful new set of personalities and stories. My latest client is “H”, an older and incredibly articulate submissive who suffers from erectile dysfunction. He paid for a 30 minute video session but I gave more time because he was so inquisitive and interesting. I love when a submissive takes a genuine interest in me because I always have a genuine interest in them. “H” was curious about my orgasms, about what pleased me, about what I felt when having sex. He reminded me of a doctor with a fabulous bedside manner who would take the time to ask about your symptoms in order to better diagnose the problem. “H” and I talked for 45 minutes and yes, he wanted to get off so there absolutely was an ulterior motive, but his interest was genuine and the admiration of his Goddess quite real.
I got to the end of the session, left him with a little extra something to imagine and fantasize over and went on my way. I do so hope to see him again!!
As we navigate our way through this relationship, I’m grasping better the roles that each of us play in this dynamic. Our foreplay doesn’t always happen in the bedroom. It’s as much an intellectual pursuit as it is sexual. I’m also learning I’m the facilitator in many regards. I bring a clarity to the differences in this relationship and I manage to steer all of us in directions that we may not realize we need to go. It’s not one of manipulation but of seeing things from an objective viewpoint and helping all of us comprehend the complexity and beauty of a triad relationship. Maybe there’s something that pushes a button of someone else or a misunderstanding of intent or desire. In some ways, I’m the glue that holds the triad together, at other times, the “Swiss army knife”, finding that correct tool to make things work or to fix a minor problem before it becomes a large one. We all possess something in this though. For “N”, it’s an intellectual insight into a life that we have not been involved in many years. For “E”, it’s managing the expectations; desires, sexual, physical, intellectual and emotional. We all have a place in this and have learned that frequent communication, especially after an intense night of sexual contact or possibly a mild tiff, is the absolute key to making this work. Our communication may be a bit methodical, but it’s consistent and deep. Our contact is consistent. Either we’ll show up on a Friday and leave on a Monday or she’ll show Friday evening and leave Sunday afternoon. Regardless, each morning, we’ve built a somewhat consistent routine of breakfast and an “after action report”, talking about what we did the night before, what we loved, what turned us on, our plans for the day, the next evening or whatever may work it’s way into our relationship. We continue to find our discussion afterwards as intense as the sexual component the night before. And more often than not, that serves as the foreplay for the next afternoon and evening.
Sex is a major part of this triad. It’s not the only thing but it’s the component that binds us in so many ways. We share a man and in turn, he does his best to sexually pleasure us. Maybe individually, maybe together. it may seem hedonistic and in many regards, it certainly can be. But there’s an element of intellectual sexuality, where the mind plays a starring role and we find ourselves motivated by the curiosity, the passion, the security and the comfort as much as the orgasm.
We’re now settling into our roles but also realize that there’s an evolution of those roles and at times, one person may intentionally stray into another person’s role because they have unique experiences or insight that helps the other two. Regardless, the joy of this triad continues to manifest itself each day, even when we’re apart. We have a longing for her and she for us and we realize that the time in between being together does much to heighten the passion and desire. It also makes us far more appreciative of the time spent outside the bedroom, in a museum or perusing galleries or going to a party or fine restaurant. This is all part of the relationship and triad, it’s what makes it exciting and so worthwhile.
Over the past several months I encountered submissives who believe that the dominant/submissive role is a one-way street, that is, I am to provide a service to them but they do not provide anything in return. This could not be further from the truth or my expectations.
Yes, I understand that you pay for a session or two, however, what you pay for is the privilege of serving me. So in essence, what you are doing, is providing me with pleasure that is more important than your own.
I have several submissive’s who make the claim that their sole desire in our relationship is to make my life as carefree and luxurious as possible, however, when pressed to do so, they take it as a personal affront and usually back off or shy away. When confronted about their stated desires versus their actions, they provide a myriad of excuses why they can’t, but not a single reason why they can. I would rather have a submissive be honest and say that he is not in a position to make my life as comfortable as I would like. I can handle that. But to make the continual promises with no follow through means that the submissive is only doing this for his pleasure and not for mine.
The value and beauty of submission in this relationship is that the submissive puts me first and derives his pleasure from that dynamic. If he chooses not to do that, then he is not truly a submissive but merely someone who wishes to have an hour or two for his pleasure, with no regard for mine. In that case, is he truly a submissive? I do not think so.
Submissive’s continually come to me with ulterior motive’s and no desire to share what those motives are. I would much rather have one say, “I seek humiliation purely for my own pleasure” than to say, “I will do anything to please you and make your life better” and not do so.
I will admit there’s a fine line between the dynamic of a paying submissive and a paying submissive who wishes to indulge my pleasure. But as I continue to develop and evolve as a dominatrix, I find that the only submissives I’m truly interested in are those who have a genuine interest in my pleasure first.
I’m writing a very brief update to our blog.
We’re getting custom made vampire fangs made for a party the end of this month. But last night was the coup de grace of sexual pleasure.
After a wonderful evening at Radio City, we did dinner then back to her place for an evening of sex. As she rode his cock from on top, I straddled his mouth, taking every bit of sexual pleasure I could. As I leaned back into her, she cupped my breasts and kissed my neck. I then heard a deep, guttural growl as he began to explode inside her, causing her to reach orgasm and then causing me to reach climax
I’ll write more later…
“Why do you like the feeling of ownership” I asked my girlfriend. Her response was spot on.
“That’s a great question. For me, it’s just relief. I feel like I’m forced into positions of responsibility all day long, so it’s this great relief to have someone else in control. Someone whom I trust to be as intelligent as myself (which isn’t often). My exporation into this is feminist in itself though, the fact I did this independently. Also, I think you can philosophically argue that the most powerful person in any dynamic is the sub. The sub consents and can stop things at any time. The dominant is beholden to the sub in that sense.”
As much as the 50 Shades of Grey series cheapens the dominant/submissive dynamic, one of the central themes of the series was that the submissive actually holds the control and power in this dynamic.
“I think that’s what is interesting about the sub/Dom relationship”, she said. “The complexity, nuances and yes, 50 Shades. It’s a mirror of every other relationship, except it’s so literal so it’s easier to analyze.”
I think this summarizes so succinctly and beautifully the relationship between dominant and submissive. It distills the thoughts of so many who have more than just a passing curiosity in this lifestyle.
I write extensively about our relationship and the details of our sexuality.
This post is about missing her.
We miss her. Immensely. We’ve connected. We’re happy. We crave her company and the intellectual stimulation that comes with it. We find our passion grows deeper with each day. She is away for the next week and for the first time in our triad we are all scattered across the United States. It’s makes the anticipation for our next time together even more unbearable but simultaneously more exciting. We communicate as a triad through texts during the day but also have our individual communication with one another. It makes the passing of time between our long weekends bearable but less than enjoyable. How can two women have serious feelings for one man and yet not feel the jealousy that most people would feel? This is what makes this so erotic and stimulating. Part of it are the looks we receive at parties and dinner and brunch. But so much of this is about the continual transition from sexual partners to lovers to friends. We do count the days between our time with her and know she does the same. Sometimes our texts are raunchy and well beyond suggestive. Other times they’re deep and pensive and insightful. Regardless, we ache between our days with N.