It’s been too long since I’ve put something in writing about my personal relationships and I think I may wait a little while before I do so. I’d like to determine the trajectory of some of my relationships before I finally put their resolution in writing.

Professionally, however, my clientele continues to grow and that expansion brings with it a wonderful new set of personalities and stories. My latest client is “H”, an older and incredibly articulate submissive who suffers from erectile dysfunction. He paid for a 30 minute video session but I gave more time because he was so inquisitive and interesting. I love when a submissive takes a genuine interest in me because I always have a genuine interest in them. “H” was curious about my orgasms, about what pleased me, about what I felt when having sex. He reminded me of a doctor with a fabulous bedside manner who would take the time to ask about your symptoms in order to better diagnose the problem. “H” and I talked for 45 minutes and yes, he wanted to get off so there absolutely was an ulterior motive, but his interest was genuine and the admiration of his Goddess quite real. 

I got to the end of the session, left him with a little extra something to imagine and fantasize over and went on my way. I do so hope to see him again!!

Over the past several months I encountered submissives who believe that the dominant/submissive role is a one-way street, that is, I am to provide a service to them but they do not provide anything in return. This could not be further from the truth or my expectations.

Yes, I understand that you pay for a session or two, however, what you pay for is the privilege of serving me. So in essence, what you are doing, is providing me with pleasure that is more important than your own.

I have several submissive’s who make the claim that their sole desire in our relationship is to make my life as carefree and luxurious as possible, however, when pressed to do so, they take it as a personal affront and usually back off or shy away. When confronted about their stated desires versus their actions, they provide a myriad of excuses why they can’t, but not a single reason why they can.   I would rather have a submissive be honest and say that he is not in a position to make my life as comfortable as I would like. I can handle that. But to make the continual promises with no follow through means that the submissive is only doing this for his pleasure and not for mine.

The value and beauty of submission in this relationship is that the submissive puts me first and derives his pleasure from that dynamic. If he chooses not to do that, then he is not truly a submissive but merely someone who wishes to have an hour or two for his pleasure, with no regard for mine.  In that case, is he truly a submissive? I do not think so.

Submissive’s continually come to me with ulterior motive’s and no desire to share what those motives are. I would much rather have one say, “I seek humiliation purely for my own pleasure” than to say, “I will do anything to please you and make your life better” and not do so.

I will admit there’s a fine line between the dynamic of a paying submissive and a paying submissive who wishes to indulge my pleasure.  But as I continue to develop and evolve as a dominatrix, I find that the only submissives I’m truly interested in are those who have a genuine interest in my pleasure first.

I am looking forward to our next weekend with “N”.  While it will be a shorter weekend than we had in the past, I nevertheless find myself day dreaming about her arrival.  I know that Friday night will be nothing but hours of sex.   I know we’ll be bad girls.  I’ll do things that I don’t do on a daily basis but that I love doing when I’m with her.  I know we’ll strive to please one man and I know that he will satisfy us sexually for hours.  That’s the way this relationship works.

I look forward to spending a Saturday wandering through art galleries, spending a late morning at brunch in a hip, cool spot in DC.  I want to be seen with her and to dress in a way that complements her and makes him happy.  I will experience the coolness of fall, holding her hand in public, having wonderful conversation and making people wonder what our dynamic is.

I crave going down on her and her on me.  I want to have him pleasure me while he pleasures her.  Yes, this is possible.  He lays on his back while one of us mounts him while the other straddles his face.  It’s like conducting a band and he’s magnificent at it.  We will face each other and kiss as he pleases us.  It does not make him subservient or submissive to us but a true master who loves the interaction and pleasure that we derive.  We will collapse on him after orgasm and will lay on his chest, me on his right, “N” on his left.  I want to sleep with them and feel his touch in the middle of the night and know that she hungers for his arousal while he takes me.  I want to hear him softly take her, hear the whispers between them as he mounts her and the feel the gentle rhythm of the bed moving as he is intentional and methodical about his entry into her.

We will wake up and long for each other, be melancholy about the impending end of the weekend but excited that the next time with her is only a few days away.  We have the following weekend already planned, a concert at Radio City, and afternoon of leisurely sex, Netflix watching, wandering the lower east side and then a Saturday night of anything that we want.  The wonderful thing about “N” is that she always has something to do that allows us to display our relationship.

I ramble from one thought to another because it’s indicative of our relationship.  We’re spontaneous, easy going, passionate, inquisitive and curious.  We want the relationship to work on it’s own terms.  Do we want to have sex, go shopping, have dinner, watch a documentary? We traverse many things during our times together, metaphorically, sexually and socially.  We do not want our time to end but we know it does, only to restart the clock towards our next time together.  I love the romantic feeling of a late afternoon drive to NYC to see her, the sun starting to set, the shadows getting longer into evening, and knowing that her laughter and smile will greet us when we arrive.  I smile at the thought of her on the train to DC, picking her up and embracing, ordering a pizza, sitting in the living room, watching a home renovation show and telling each other about our week.  This is how the relationship is.  There’s no defining it because it moves, morphs, evolves in the fashion we allow.

I want her.  I want him.  I want them both, together.  I want to know that while he’s in me she lays next to us, watching and wanting, bad, what I am experiencing.  I’m not sure if I’m the one directing this for our happiness or merely pushing the throttle forward on a train that follows a track to a destination.  Maybe we’re all just passengers on this or we all take turns driving this to achieve our congruent goals and desires.  I’m not sure we will ever know or discover but this is a continual discovery process.

Only days away from being with her…

To be continued…

Missing Our Partner

I write extensively about our relationship and the details of our sexuality. 

This post is about missing her. 

We miss her. Immensely. We’ve connected. We’re happy.  We crave her company and the intellectual stimulation that comes with it. We find our passion grows deeper with each day. She is away for the next week and for the first time in our triad we are all scattered across the United States. It’s makes the anticipation for our next time together even more unbearable but simultaneously more exciting. We communicate as a triad through texts during the day but also have our individual communication with one another. It makes the passing of time between our long weekends bearable but less than enjoyable. How can two women have serious feelings for one man and yet not feel the jealousy that most people would feel? This is what makes this so erotic and stimulating. Part of it are the looks we receive at parties and dinner and brunch. But so much of this is about the continual transition from sexual partners to lovers to friends. We do count the days between our time with her and know she does the same. Sometimes our texts are raunchy and well beyond suggestive. Other times they’re deep and pensive and insightful. Regardless, we ache between our days with N. 

Naughty Details, part III

I’ve been remiss about updating details about our relationship. Do not take that as a lessening of excitement or passion. 

Our relationship is confined to weekends in person and a constant stream of one on one and group texts. The upside is that separation builds the tension in a good way. It makes the dirty talk during sex, raunchy. It makes the anticipation nearly unbearable. And it makes the inevitable sex even more exciting. 

We spent a long Labor Day weekend together. N came to our place for the first time and we had slight apprehension our suburban vanilla  lifestyle, so different from her urban sophistication, may stifle her interest. It didn’t. We found our interest is independent of where we were. It is fully dependent on the dynamic of pleasing a common person, of pushing our sexual limits. It’s also about the intellectual enjoyment of someone bright and articulate and curious. 

N migrated south towards Washington, DC the Friday before Labor Day. East coast weather is typically bipolar this time of year, alternating between warm days and cool nights to sweltering days and humid nights. This weekend was mostly the former.  We decided to go out that evening to a local spot for dinner only so we could climb into bed together quicker.  I need to fully admit something. We love sex and we love it more with her. I would rather order in and have hours of orgasms than go to a 3 star Michelin restaurant.  Our sex is that spectacular.  And all along I keep wondering if it’s possible for this to subside. There are no dull moments, no uncomfortable silences. It’s always stimulating.

My husband is the dominant in this relationship however that does not mean there are moments our pleasure is not first and foremost. Hardly. His desire to please is as strong as ours and this desire makes him no less a dominant. It’s that level of confidence and self assuredness that makes him the dominant figure in this triad. 

The evening was a bit of a blur and it’s impossible to remember the order in which things happened. I remember him taking N at some point, pushing his erection into her prior to her becoming fully wet and forcing it in. She loved it and the friction between her legs drove her wild. She fucks hard. She’s learned how to find the orgasms through internal stimulation and the discovery of her cervix, the length of his erection and ability to penetrate deep into her, making her hurt in that wonderful, aching way as his cock touches that little spot in her no others have touched. I’ve mentioned before that watching them have sex is like having my own personal porn show. I’m a voyeur at heart and being able to watch two people I care deeply for have intense sex and orgasms is an immense turn on for me. It gets me excited and wet. It makes the air thick with the smell of sex and I love that smell. I would turn on my little pink vibrator and just watch, sometimes becoming so engrossed in their sexuality that I’d literally forget to place the vibrator on my clit. 

What I also love is his voracious appetite for sex and the ability to make one of us cum and then take the other and make her cum. I love being on top, riding his erection facing away from him as N lowers herself onto his mouth for oral pleasure. I love that look and feel of my dominant under me striving for my pleasure and allowing us to take as much as we want. This is not sex. It’s nirvana. 

The sex is beyond intense and what makes it so wonderful is the length and intensity of the orgasms continues to grow. Even when it’s just my master and me, I’ve now had orgasms that made me weep with joy. How can I say that it’s not due to what’s happened the past two months? 

The rest of Friday evening, until we fell asleep, was better than we ever had with N. I knew that sometime in the early morning hours N would get fucked again. I looked forward to hearing the soft rustling of sheets, the whispers, the gentle rocking of the bed as N and my master would fuck. I mentioned that this was like having my own personal sex show but it was more than that. Porn is contrived. Sex between us is not. I do not care about watching girls falsely moan and act for a cameraman. I want to see the real thing. I want to see a man look into a woman’s eyes as he cums, I want to see the sensual exhaustion as she falls onto his chest, completely spent. 

As we drifted off that Friday I once again felt contentment and satisfaction about what just happened.  There is an easiness and comfort about being in a relationship where all parties strive for the happiness of the other two. 

Later that night I vaguely remember hearing N waking up for another round of sex. There’s a distinct pleasure in sharing someone with another. It makes the bond stronger between us all. It didn’t last as long as previous encounters but it was equally as sensual and I was turned on. When they finished I remember the scent of sex and I snuggled up to him as she lay her head on his chest. 

Our Saturday was a relaxing day with plans to go into the city to smoke a cigar. It’s not the phallic representation that turns me on but rather the represention of a dominant man in charge, a mob boss or politician or executive at the top. A man of confidence and control, knowing what he wants with his life and his woman. Or women. It gives me a sense of power and control. I’m the gatekeeper and you don’t get to him without going through me. Maybe it is phallic. I think so.  Sitting on that couch in the cigar bar, sharing that with my master and N makes me feel like a chess master. I’m playing this to perfection for all of us. 

It’s also our chance to dress for him. I don’t care what other women think. I care what he thinks. Part of the beauty of this relationship is the collaborative nature. I now have another woman to share ideas with, plan with, be intimate with and ultimately, please a man with. Most do not grasp the beauty of this arrangement nor will they ever. 

To be continued…

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