We’re involved in a new venture despite some of the challenges we faced with other triads. We’re not sure if this will have different results than before but based on our most recent experience we’re optimistic that this will be better than previous times. She’s intelligent, motivated and exceptionally attractive. And she’s anxious and excited to experience our level of kink. This has been a great weekend and lots more details to follow.
So chapter 1 of our life in a triad has come to an inevitable end. There were exhilarating moments, passionate sex, great food, fabulous museums and exposure to thoughts and ideas. But distance and closeness both have an edge that can be equally as sharp and ultimately can create challenges. More powerfully are the disparate goals and philosophies that make you incompatible. Once exposed, they produce irreparable fissures that time simply can’t close. It doesn’t mean you don’t love or care for others in the relationship but it does mean it’s time to move on. We will always have fond memories and will hold onto them forever. We will never look at the city the same, never go by the places we frequented together without saying, “do you remember when…”
We learned the value of honesty, the damage of untruths, and the richness of the passion of ideas. We also felt the powerful lessons of managing complex relationships, more complex than the average person endures. We took notes, discussed privately sometimes, with all three at other times, what we liked and disliked in the triad relationship. We don’t look at the experience as bad but rather well within the parameters of the cliche, “better to have loved…”. Oddly enough, as I typed “loved” it came out “lived” which is what we truly did the past six months.
We also came to realize that people don’t have baggage but rather stories and history. They’re not damaged only different. You see each person for what they are and you learn to accept the things that make them who they are. It’s truly what made the past six months so much fun and so memorable.
This relationship was intensely sexual but equally intensely intellectual. It was genuine friendship and exploration. We found our way, briefly, as a triad and it was fulfilling and wonderful.
It’s been too long since I’ve put something in writing about my personal relationships and I think I may wait a little while before I do so. I’d like to determine the trajectory of some of my relationships before I finally put their resolution in writing.
Professionally, however, my clientele continues to grow and that expansion brings with it a wonderful new set of personalities and stories. My latest client is “H”, an older and incredibly articulate submissive who suffers from erectile dysfunction. He paid for a 30 minute video session but I gave more time because he was so inquisitive and interesting. I love when a submissive takes a genuine interest in me because I always have a genuine interest in them. “H” was curious about my orgasms, about what pleased me, about what I felt when having sex. He reminded me of a doctor with a fabulous bedside manner who would take the time to ask about your symptoms in order to better diagnose the problem. “H” and I talked for 45 minutes and yes, he wanted to get off so there absolutely was an ulterior motive, but his interest was genuine and the admiration of his Goddess quite real.
I got to the end of the session, left him with a little extra something to imagine and fantasize over and went on my way. I do so hope to see him again!!
As we navigate our way through this relationship, I’m grasping better the roles that each of us play in this dynamic. Our foreplay doesn’t always happen in the bedroom. It’s as much an intellectual pursuit as it is sexual. I’m also learning I’m the facilitator in many regards. I bring a clarity to the differences in this relationship and I manage to steer all of us in directions that we may not realize we need to go. It’s not one of manipulation but of seeing things from an objective viewpoint and helping all of us comprehend the complexity and beauty of a triad relationship. Maybe there’s something that pushes a button of someone else or a misunderstanding of intent or desire. In some ways, I’m the glue that holds the triad together, at other times, the “Swiss army knife”, finding that correct tool to make things work or to fix a minor problem before it becomes a large one. We all possess something in this though. For “N”, it’s an intellectual insight into a life that we have not been involved in many years. For “E”, it’s managing the expectations; desires, sexual, physical, intellectual and emotional. We all have a place in this and have learned that frequent communication, especially after an intense night of sexual contact or possibly a mild tiff, is the absolute key to making this work. Our communication may be a bit methodical, but it’s consistent and deep. Our contact is consistent. Either we’ll show up on a Friday and leave on a Monday or she’ll show Friday evening and leave Sunday afternoon. Regardless, each morning, we’ve built a somewhat consistent routine of breakfast and an “after action report”, talking about what we did the night before, what we loved, what turned us on, our plans for the day, the next evening or whatever may work it’s way into our relationship. We continue to find our discussion afterwards as intense as the sexual component the night before. And more often than not, that serves as the foreplay for the next afternoon and evening.
Sex is a major part of this triad. It’s not the only thing but it’s the component that binds us in so many ways. We share a man and in turn, he does his best to sexually pleasure us. Maybe individually, maybe together. it may seem hedonistic and in many regards, it certainly can be. But there’s an element of intellectual sexuality, where the mind plays a starring role and we find ourselves motivated by the curiosity, the passion, the security and the comfort as much as the orgasm.
We’re now settling into our roles but also realize that there’s an evolution of those roles and at times, one person may intentionally stray into another person’s role because they have unique experiences or insight that helps the other two. Regardless, the joy of this triad continues to manifest itself each day, even when we’re apart. We have a longing for her and she for us and we realize that the time in between being together does much to heighten the passion and desire. It also makes us far more appreciative of the time spent outside the bedroom, in a museum or perusing galleries or going to a party or fine restaurant. This is all part of the relationship and triad, it’s what makes it exciting and so worthwhile.
Over the past several months I encountered submissives who believe that the dominant/submissive role is a one-way street, that is, I am to provide a service to them but they do not provide anything in return. This could not be further from the truth or my expectations.
Yes, I understand that you pay for a session or two, however, what you pay for is the privilege of serving me. So in essence, what you are doing, is providing me with pleasure that is more important than your own.
I have several submissive’s who make the claim that their sole desire in our relationship is to make my life as carefree and luxurious as possible, however, when pressed to do so, they take it as a personal affront and usually back off or shy away. When confronted about their stated desires versus their actions, they provide a myriad of excuses why they can’t, but not a single reason why they can. I would rather have a submissive be honest and say that he is not in a position to make my life as comfortable as I would like. I can handle that. But to make the continual promises with no follow through means that the submissive is only doing this for his pleasure and not for mine.
The value and beauty of submission in this relationship is that the submissive puts me first and derives his pleasure from that dynamic. If he chooses not to do that, then he is not truly a submissive but merely someone who wishes to have an hour or two for his pleasure, with no regard for mine. In that case, is he truly a submissive? I do not think so.
Submissive’s continually come to me with ulterior motive’s and no desire to share what those motives are. I would much rather have one say, “I seek humiliation purely for my own pleasure” than to say, “I will do anything to please you and make your life better” and not do so.
I will admit there’s a fine line between the dynamic of a paying submissive and a paying submissive who wishes to indulge my pleasure. But as I continue to develop and evolve as a dominatrix, I find that the only submissives I’m truly interested in are those who have a genuine interest in my pleasure first.
I’m writing a very brief update to our blog.
We’re getting custom made vampire fangs made for a party the end of this month. But last night was the coup de grace of sexual pleasure.
After a wonderful evening at Radio City, we did dinner then back to her place for an evening of sex. As she rode his cock from on top, I straddled his mouth, taking every bit of sexual pleasure I could. As I leaned back into her, she cupped my breasts and kissed my neck. I then heard a deep, guttural growl as he began to explode inside her, causing her to reach orgasm and then causing me to reach climax
I’ll write more later…
I am looking forward to our next weekend with “N”. While it will be a shorter weekend than we had in the past, I nevertheless find myself day dreaming about her arrival. I know that Friday night will be nothing but hours of sex. I know we’ll be bad girls. I’ll do things that I don’t do on a daily basis but that I love doing when I’m with her. I know we’ll strive to please one man and I know that he will satisfy us sexually for hours. That’s the way this relationship works.
I look forward to spending a Saturday wandering through art galleries, spending a late morning at brunch in a hip, cool spot in DC. I want to be seen with her and to dress in a way that complements her and makes him happy. I will experience the coolness of fall, holding her hand in public, having wonderful conversation and making people wonder what our dynamic is.
I crave going down on her and her on me. I want to have him pleasure me while he pleasures her. Yes, this is possible. He lays on his back while one of us mounts him while the other straddles his face. It’s like conducting a band and he’s magnificent at it. We will face each other and kiss as he pleases us. It does not make him subservient or submissive to us but a true master who loves the interaction and pleasure that we derive. We will collapse on him after orgasm and will lay on his chest, me on his right, “N” on his left. I want to sleep with them and feel his touch in the middle of the night and know that she hungers for his arousal while he takes me. I want to hear him softly take her, hear the whispers between them as he mounts her and the feel the gentle rhythm of the bed moving as he is intentional and methodical about his entry into her.
We will wake up and long for each other, be melancholy about the impending end of the weekend but excited that the next time with her is only a few days away. We have the following weekend already planned, a concert at Radio City, and afternoon of leisurely sex, Netflix watching, wandering the lower east side and then a Saturday night of anything that we want. The wonderful thing about “N” is that she always has something to do that allows us to display our relationship.
I ramble from one thought to another because it’s indicative of our relationship. We’re spontaneous, easy going, passionate, inquisitive and curious. We want the relationship to work on it’s own terms. Do we want to have sex, go shopping, have dinner, watch a documentary? We traverse many things during our times together, metaphorically, sexually and socially. We do not want our time to end but we know it does, only to restart the clock towards our next time together. I love the romantic feeling of a late afternoon drive to NYC to see her, the sun starting to set, the shadows getting longer into evening, and knowing that her laughter and smile will greet us when we arrive. I smile at the thought of her on the train to DC, picking her up and embracing, ordering a pizza, sitting in the living room, watching a home renovation show and telling each other about our week. This is how the relationship is. There’s no defining it because it moves, morphs, evolves in the fashion we allow.
I want her. I want him. I want them both, together. I want to know that while he’s in me she lays next to us, watching and wanting, bad, what I am experiencing. I’m not sure if I’m the one directing this for our happiness or merely pushing the throttle forward on a train that follows a track to a destination. Maybe we’re all just passengers on this or we all take turns driving this to achieve our congruent goals and desires. I’m not sure we will ever know or discover but this is a continual discovery process.
Only days away from being with her…
To be continued…