Hub and I now practice the ultimate submission – financial and I think this may have wrought even bigger changes than any kind of sexual submission for both of us.
Follow up:
It’s an extraordinary thing to realise that it was easier for him to hand over the keys to his cock than it was to hand over the details to his account and whilst sexual submission was relatively straightforward, financial submission has taken much more work. I do understand as I know that it is something that I myself could never do but our reasons are the opposite sides of the same coin.
I’m going to generalise (ofcourse) but here’s my view. For a woman, career choices and financial independence has allowed women to make many life choices, some good some bad. Prior to those choices, access to resources has traditionally been via a male. It isn’t that long ago even in the progressive societies that women were not able to secure a mortgage without their husband’s signature and though there were always households that the man handed over the wages to run the domestics and got “pocket money” for beer in return, marriage as an institution has always meant security for the woman and a supply of sex for the male. It aint called “marital duties” for nothing…
For his part, often subconsciously, a man who pays the bills expects the woman to do her bit and supply sex. I say subconsciously because even if the “open your legs if you want a new kitchen” type of conversation never takes place, there is still an undercurrent of resentment if the sexual supply – as it were – is cut off. This is even re enforced by women feeling guilty and putting up with unwanted sex just to maintain the marriage or prevent the man going off (taking his resources with him) and conducting an affair.
The harshest way to describe this is to call it a form of prostitution but even at its least offensive, it does reduce sex to a maintenance obligation for the woman and sex without particular value for the man. At the end of the day, crap sex results.
So , having wound the feminists up to a fever pitch, how to solve this?
When my hub and I met, we earned the same and met as peers. I have always earned my way and have always resented the sexually reductive behaviour than men seem to delight in – especially when feeling a little intimidated by strong women. I still don’t believe that I am actually any kind of natural Domme if you define it as the other half of the D/s equation as I have never sought submissive men but felt from a relatively youthful age that the girls who pandered to boys undersold themselves in some fundamental way. This feeling matured into a strong urge to make my own way in the world and never be beholden to men. Whilst this meant that I never had sex unless for anything other than for its own sake this caused problems. Past relationships ended in bruising power struggles to the point where I thought “fuck it”, if male / female relationships required my submission in any way, then I wasn’t equipped to make them work and restricted myself to flawed relationships where that could never happen.
Financially, things progressed well. I did well in my career, invested well and was very financially solvent when I met my hub who was divorced. When we married, I had never really thought in the terms I outlined above, we were in love, had a very active sex life and were both very communicative and open minded. He discovered a latent urge to submit sexually to me – probably triggered by the type of woman that I am and a lot of our journey has been chronicled on here.
All good so far.
The collision started when I gave up work after becoming pregnant and after my cash ran out, I was faced with the very real fact that the only money coming in was his salary. Cue identity crisis and MAJOR readjustment. Although I kept my own house and put a tenant in it to pay the mortgage and retain the asset, I still had no cash flow and no money of my own and I struggled massively with this. I know for some couples this is no big deal and many stay at home wives rationalise it easily all the time. They run the house, being a wife and mum is a job in itself etc . For me, the first problems really started with comments – often said in jest – such as “well, I’m paying for it anyway” etc. We tried to mitigate it by him transferring money into my account – like a salary – but even so, as a woman pulling in a six figure salary, this was a storm boiling away on the horizon and those clouds were very black.
From his perspective, he had also always earned a high salary and understood perfectly that male resources = sex. The one thing that was interesting was that although he and his ex had had a good sex life, he had always had to initiate sex. Now of itself, this can mean very little but when he actually handed over sexual control to me, it was quite a gamble I think. What if I said “thanks” and thought “that’s a relief. One less marital duty to take care of”? I do read plenty of posts on various forums that it seems that’s what has actually happened too.
I think the very fact that I took his sexual submission to be the gift it is and creatively made it work for us, financial submission was just a tiny bit easier for him. It is, after all, the very final lever. It was far from simple as it turned out and the first time he gave me his password, he actually suffered a panic attack. What if he came back from work and I had cleared his account? What if the previously financially savvy woman he married suddenly developed a complete on-line bingo habit? All these thoughts went through his head and seeing how upset he was, I let him back off for a bit, calm down and it was a few weeks before we tried again.
It hasn’t been plain sailing. He still interferes once in a while and I can see him getting anxious so try and make it as easy for him as possible. We have made significant progress to the point where our outgoings are much lower and we are building up good sound financial assets for our future together. His financial submission to me has meant a great many things. Right at the top of the list is the clear demonstration of trust and love and I value that immensely. Close second is that whilst I still struggle with the fact that I do not earn in my own right, that looming sense of loss of control has eased greatly. I can use my business brain to keep us upright and going forward rather than my skills rotting away in some housebound baby fog. It took four years to get my MBA after all and have managed large operational budgets professionally.
His feelings of submission have significantly deepened now to the point where it is now just the way we do things and simply at the end of the day, I am better with money than he is with more time on my hands.

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