I loved this email response to my website ad…
Writing a response to your profile makes me feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis. I really don’t know what to say, or better yet how to phrase my sentiments without coming off as cheesy, verbose, or at best like all the rest of those who have responded before me.
No doubt that your posting has created a flood of responses ranging from the terse to the thesis of submission. So, therefore offered is a concise pleading (in no particular order) for your attention:
Top 10 reasons why I should be your next pain slut:
1) I’m not new to this, I’ve been owned and operated, locked and collared slave before
2) I’m fun to watch, My head makes a great beer coaster.
3) Few limits. I’m an equal opportunity pervert. I can’t be grossed out.
4) Pain me, train me restrain me, I’ll only ask for more.
5) I do housework, and can cook too
6) Look good on a leash, and will make you look good too.
7) I can be your bodyguard, chauffeur, or pet Doberman/Rottweiler/guard dog
8) Trained in massage, feet and full body
9) Craves control
10) I will live for your pleasure, and your happiness.
Anyways, some more info about me…I’m white, brown haired and brown-eyed, tall enough to make you look good in your most hookerish heels unless you’re an amazon or a post-op, attractive enough to ask for the same, smart enough to avoid having one of my friends write this for me.