We’ve been role playing as cuckoldress and bull for several years now and the psychology of the client that plays the cuckolded husband fascinates us. They are routinely high functioning, motivated, intelligent and articulate. In doing some research on this fetish, we found this article and believe it’s the most comprehensive analysis of the cuckold fantasy.
We did NOT write this article
“A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate”. (Matthew 19:3-8)
…unless the man throws away his basket of stones and encourages his wife to commit adultery.
Have you ever fantasized about seeing your wife or girlfriend with another man? Do the thoughts of her cheating on you, having fantastic sex with other men, and coming home to tell you about it arouse you? Do you want to understand why you feel this way?
The humiliation of infidelity can be so sweet and oftentimes a higher source of pleasure than sex itself. You, My humble reader, will now find out why.
As a Dominatrix, I have noticed that one of the most common fetishes amongst My submissives is the fantasy of being cuckolded by Me or their female partners. My subs come from all over the world — US, Asia, Middle East, Europe, Central & South America, Africa. That men from different cultural backgrounds express a common interest tells Me something about the universality of this most intriguing fetish. Cuckoldry, when a man derives sexual arousal by thinking about or watching his female partner having sex with another man, has a powerful psychological effect with dimensions shaped by society and biology.
You may be wondering: Why is the fetish considered a taboo? Why would a man want to be cheated on by his wife? What sorts of pleasures does it really bring for the couple? Let’s go diving!
WHY CUCKOLDRY CLASHES WITH MAINSTREAM CULTURE
My cuckold submissives find themselves internally conflicted with this ‘strange’ desire. Cuckoldry is considered a fetish because its very oddity betrays a fundamental and age-old norm that has been the guiding light in much of the Western world since the dawn of agriculture. Yes, I am referring to monogamy. Let’s go waayyyyyyyy back. Out of the 1200 societies in the world, less than 200 of those encourage/enforce monogamous relationships between men and women. Since the advent of agriculture and ownership of property some 10,000 years ago, civilization became more complex, requiring the energy and care by both parents to ensure the survival of their offspring. When a monogamous pair begets children, passing property on to one’s offspring requires one to be certain of paternity. Those kids are mine, those kids will get my stuff.
In the powerful states and empires of antiquity — Peru, India, China, Egypt, Mesopotamia just to name a few — the commoners were expected to be monogamous while the elite ruling class often practiced polygyny. Religious institutions were also champions of the monogamy model. The benefits of monogamy is that it encourages a large population of model citizens to produce more model children to serve the state/church, it equalizes sexual reproductivity between high-status males and low-status males (there is now a girl for every boy, instead of many girls for just the boy with all the toys), and it ensures legacy.
Monogamy is idealized and institutionalized in societies in which a lot of effort must be spent to acquire resources and establish one’s territory. In other words, go to school, get a job, buy a house, take a girl on a date & marry her & raise children together with the money you earned from all those years of schooling and job training. Raising a child in a first-world country is A LOT of work. Therefore, bi-parental care is necessary. Monogamy serves the common man with limited resources, it serves the state that needs an ideal to guide and control its citizens, it serves the elite who needs a stable labor force. Polygyny is for the wealthy who can afford it.
We are socialized to accept the millenniums-old belief that monogamy is a virtue, and that infidelity is equated with immorality, emotional instability, and narcissism. In the book The Myth of Monogamy, authors Dr. David P. Barash and Dr. Judith Lipton wrote:
“Once a monogamous code exists, violating that code is antithetical to higher levels of civilization and of personal development”.
By now you must know that humans are not naturally monogamous. Otherwise infidelity would not occur. Nevertheless, we are taught to remain faithful to our partners and never stray. Sigmund Freud argued that if an urge is not instinctive, then we wouldn’t need the restriction. Monogamy is a restriction above all else, and Freud suggests that civilization is built on the repression of the instincts.
How does this relate to cuckoldry? Cuckoldry contradicts the very ideals upon which monogamy is founded, and, furthermore, it contradicts the popular notion of men being territorial, jealous baboons.
THE TYPICAL CUCKOLD
The vast majority of cuckolds are men in their 30s and up, and living comfortable lifestyles. They are usually married or have remained in long-term relationships. They are usually alpha males with above-average intelligence, hold high-power executive positions in their work and earn above-average incomes. Due to all of this, they need more mental stimulation than the average man.
The men are almost always the ones to instigate a cuckold lifestyle.
THE REAL PLEASURES BEHIND CUCKOLDRY
Paradoxically, the central figure that cuckoldry serves is the “victimized”, “humiliated” man. He is the one who experiences the most pleasure in this dynamic.
A man with a cuckold fetish derives his pleasure from the mental anguish and humiliation that results from his wife’s infidelity. (I use the words “infidelity” and “cheating” within the context of a consensual arrangement). He is immensely aroused by the thought of his woman with another man, lusted by other men. He wants to see his partner satisfied, and by doing so he now has a ‘private porn collection’ by which he uses to masturbate and fantasize. This is more rewarding than actual sex with his partner.
By being the cuckold, he willingly assumes the position of the sexual submissive. He is submissive to his wife, and he is now lowered in rank in respect to the other man having sex with his wife. He and his partner often ‘complete’ this fantasy by having sex right after she cheats on him.
Being a cuckold is to experience a form of psychological masochism. It is a cerebral pursuit whereby the man feels a kaleidoscope of feelings such as jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, and lust. It is a mental version of sensation play in which the emotions themselves are the sources of pleasure, bringing out some of our most intense reptilian instincts. A highly intelligent individual wants to experience this ‘psychological high’ for two reasons: to feel alive, and to feel diminished from the loss of control. In the book Masochism and the Self, author Roy Baumeister explains:
“Cuckolding is a form of escapism. Cucks are relieving themselves of the stress and burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less expansive role.”
Small penis humiliation is a point of focus for the victim. The other man is often more well-endowed, more handsome, and referred to as a “Bull”. The physical superiority of the other man adds to the humiliation of the husband.
Lastly, cuckoldry gives some men the chance to vicariously explore their repressed bisexual urges. While it is arousing to watch their wife with someone else, for some it is just as exciting to watch a naked man have sex, period. The wife who understands her husband’s bisexual curiosities would sometimes command him to service the Bull during foreplay.
EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND THE CUCKOLD FETISH
Psychologists have attributed the cuckold fetish to theories rooted in evolutionary biology. With all these submissives from all parts of the world sharing the same fetish, it is not absurd to think cuckoldry triggers something inherent in our nature as human beings.
Cuckoldry induces sexual competition among men. In the book Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles, author Robin Baker argues that a man is incentivized by biological urges to copulate with his partner in an effort to “compete” with the other man’s sperm. From an evolutionary perspective, the mere idea of one’s wife cheating and straying is a risk to his genetic success, and it is a male’s duty to make sure that his own sperm makes it to the egg. Get away from that womb, it’s MINE for the impregnating!
When we first meet our partners-to-be, the very fact that they were initially unattainable — and thus taming them would be a glorious challenge — is what attracted us to them in the first place. They are a prize to be won, and this desire fuels our pursuits. As a relationship grows and settles into a comfortable routine involving dinner and Netflix, the strong desire we felt at the beginning naturally subsides. We stop being the hunter. The exciting world of cuckoldry ‘re-activates’ our hunter mentality, causing us to want our partners again with all the intensified feelings about risk and possible denial. This is further enhanced with the knowledge that although our partners have sexually strayed from us, we can still bathe in the comfort that they will always come home us. Cuckoldry allows you to have your cake and eat it too.
Hopefully, by now you will have gained a better understanding of your own cuckold fantasies with a little more acceptance and proactive curiosity. The benefits of exploring cuckoldry is rich with emotions and sexual gratification when honest and open communication take place. As a Dominatrix, I will help you take that first step into becoming that poorly-endowed, sexually inadequate, semen-cleaning bitch of a man you have always wanted to be.