The Relationship Between a Professional Dominatrix & a Submissive

Recently, I have grown increasingly frustrated with the passive aggressive nature and unrealistic expectations of submissives who I allowed into my personal space.  They start to build a sense of entitlement that as they get to know you personally they may take liberties with the relationship.  Because of this, I’ve had to reset expectations amongst my clients.

First.  You’re not my friend. You are a client. It doesn’t mean that I can’t be friendly towards you, but you are no longer allowed to believe that you will have a relationship with me beyond the dominatrix/submissive one.  

I am married. You’re not allowed into the middle of that relationship. You are not allowed to delve into my private life and the things that you’ve found out about me along the way. You are not allowed to come to where I live or where I conduct business in hopes that you will see me. You are not allowed to contact people you know I have business relationships with in order to find out more about me.

You are a client. You pay money and I provide an hour of service. I am a dominatrix. Not your friend.  I will not apologize for this arrangement. It is clearly stated on my website, my fetlife profile and other places that I do this for money. I am not ashamed of that and you are not allowed into my personal life.

Here is a response written by someone I do not know but someone who articulates this as well as anybody.

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I_scream4u

I_scream4u27 minutes ago  report | delete

Very good advice, indeed, Mistress! The dynamic for the sub is so emotionally charged that it can be like playing with fire sometimes. That’s why it’s always important that we play with someone who truly understands the force of those emotions, and one whom we can trust.

The best ProDommes can make a sub feel like he’s the only person in their universe — at least for the 60-90 minutes of the session — even though he know full well that others have knelt at her feet before and will do so in the future. That’s the power of this experience: we are able to forget about reality and savor every moment of the fantasy. So, it shouldn’t be the least bit surprising when a sub wants the fantasy to continue, or the perceived relationship to grow deeper. That’s when the sub needs to take a deep breath, stand back for a moment, and accept the fact that there’s a difference between fantasy and reality.

It’s like a splash of cold water — non-consensual cold water. It requires a level of maturity on the part of the sub, and sensitivity on the part of the Domme as she brings him down from the mountaintop and back to the real world. He needs to be realistic about expectations, and She needs to set firm boundaries

Sure, some relationships might grow deeper, but most probably won’t. Thanks for reminding us about this truth, Mistress.

r reply

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