I never fail to learn something even in a class that’s meant for “beginners” and yesterday was certainly no exception. I’m going to write much more about what I learned in a later post but I wanted to express my gratitude for how she expressed so many things that I’d never been able to express before. What I found most interesting in all of this is that I learned something about myself and my husband and I found that what she expressed is so useful in our vanilla and D/s relationship.
What I found most informative is the concept of “jumping boxes”. Midori explained how, even when in submissive mode, the dominant and submissive jump from role to role in a healthy relationship. The example she gave was one she experienced years ago when she, as the dominant, had a submissive drop hot wax on her, the dominant. The submissive was very timid and after dropping a small amount of wax on Midori, was challenged to do it until the dominant told her to stop. Midori made the point that even though she was having the pain applied to her, she was directing it. Was she the submissive or was she still acting as the dominatrix? In this instance, she was every bit the dominant even acting in the “submissive” role.
To me, it was an interesting dichotomy in the relationship between a dominant wielding the power to exact pain and the one who directed pain to be exacted on her. While the lecture had a bit of the “Myers-Briggs” approach, it was so very useful because of the humor of Midori, the interaction of the attendees and the fact that the information was useful, despite my level of experience.