I often wonder, with the stress of everyday life, how couples stay engaged in a dominant/submissive relationship. We are consumed doing things every day and we tend to lose focus on the one that we serve whether that be the dominant or the submissive. What I mean by that is, the submissive does serve the dominant but in many regards the dominant also serves the submissive. He must take his or her needs, wants, and desires into consideration and ensure that those are always met. And as we get busier and busier, we tend to lose sight of those things to keep the relationship going.
I know vanilla couples will typically try to find time during the week or during the month where they focus solely on their part. Maybe it’s date night, maybe it’s a night where the children are sent off to the grandparents house, but regardless, you often hear how they try to manage and cope with everyday responsibilities while maintaining the sexual relationship between them.
Our lives are different though.
It’s not just a sexual relationship, but it’s a relationship built around service, fetishes, and sexuality. I find that we are the people that need it more than once a month or once a week. We’re the type of people that need this every day. So, how do you maintain that frequency when you have all of these other events that go on around you?
The fact is, you can’t. And you need to be realistic about what you’re able to do. Both the dominant and submissive must do things to help the other achieve that level of frequency that they so desire. As a dominant, you need to recognize when that submissive is going through something preventing them from being completely engaged. But you must also have the confidence and competence that when he or she may not be feeling quite in the mood, you’re able to get them in the mood. Maybe it’s a direct order, maybe it’s an action with no words said, but nevertheless, the dominant must take the lead at times and ensure that the submissive gets what he or she needs even when they appear that they may not be fully engaged. Conversely, the submissive must read the signals that the dominant sends, and realize it may be his or her job to entice the master or mistress into their dominant role.
Regardless, there must be some common action between the two people in the relationship to help entice the other into that frequency of interaction that we crave. Our relationship in the dominant/submissive world is far different than that of the vanilla world. We must mix our relationships. There are days where we are purely vanilla, there are days where we are purely dominant/submissive, and there are days where we mix the two sides of our relationship.
I would be quite curious to hear how other couples manage to take their busy lives, their relationships with each other, and the fact that we have multiple facets and sides to our relationship and make it work on a daily basis.
As a submissive to my master, I know that one of the best ways to get him in the mood is to be dressed in a way that he find sexually attractive when he arrives home from work, or home from a business trip. As an example, last week at Halloween, I dressed in all latex with little kitty cat ears and a collar and met him at the airport. Needless to say, I got many looks, most of them approving from women and certainly lustful from other men, but I knew the minute he stepped through that gate and walked through security he would be in the mood. I know what he likes, I know what he enjoys and I made sure that after a long hard week of work and stress he came home to something that he wanted worse than anything.
My master will, on many occasions, set up a particular scenario for us to act out. As an example, next week we are going to live out a little fantasy, will we meet each other “anonymously”, flirt with each other, and then go to a hotel room, or he ties me up, blindfolds me, and proceeds to do whatever he wants. After we’re done, he will let me go, leave the room, and act as though it were purely an anonymous or encounter.
Regardless of how we fulfill our dreams and fantasies it still incumbent upon us both as dominant and submissive to create the atmosphere which makes the other one want us even more than they did the day before.